


Unplanned Family

by fangirlSevera



Series: Broverse [16]
Category: From Beyond, Re-Animator (1985), The Phantom Empire
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Family Reunion, Humor, M/M, Original Female Character - Freeform, Twins, identical cousins, non-canon family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlSevera/pseuds/fangirlSevera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." In Dan's case, he finds himself in a family that he may not have chosen for himself, but they had definitely chosen him. </p>
<p>This is the final installment of the Bro'verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unplanned Family

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring another Miskatonic U-attending Combs character, [Andrew Paris from _The Phantom Empire_ and his cave bunny girlfriend.](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6rwnflYOp1qhwont.png) She was never given a name in the movie, so I gave her an obvious one. The movie's terrible, I love it. I definitely rec it to Combs fans!

The previous and only time Dan had been at Jeanine West's home, it had been late autumn. Her grounds at the time were brown and bare. Now, in mid-July the lawn was green, striped by meticulous mowing. The flowerbeds were bursting with color. There was even a fountain bubbling in a koi pond. Creeping vines climbed up the sides of a white gazebo.

Under its roof Dan stretched, still working out the kinks in his muscles he got during the trip from Massachusetts to Illinois. Next to him, even in the shade of the gazebo, Herbert had his clip-on sunglasses flipped down, and a layer of sunblock was visible on his nose. He had brought a medical book with him, and was reading that and ignoring everyone else. 

Further out in the yard, Bubba was trying to teach Crawford some fundamentals of football. Dan watched them, entertained by Crawford's sincere, but not entirely successful attempts at throwing and kicking. He couldn't quite manage a good spin, and it wobbled in the air before Bubba caught it. When Bubba knelt to hold the ball for Crawford to kick, Dan couldn't help but think of those cartoons of Lucy holding the ball for Charlie Brown only to pull it away causing the poor, bald kid to go flying in the air and landing on his back. It was so close to what Dan imagined Herbert and Crawford's childhood could have been like, it made him laugh.

Herbert flipped up his shades and glared. Dan ruffled Herbert's hair in apology, making Herbert glare harder and scoot his wicker chair further away from Dan.

Dan hadn't had much time to talk to Jeanine. She was too busy orchestrating the cook-out. That was another big difference between now and Thanksgiving. Not being a holiday, the house was fully staffed. A maid was back and forth from the house carrying bowls of salad. A chef manned the large, expensive grill with Jeanine at his side offering instruction. There had even been a housekeeper to greet them when Dan and Herbert first arrived. She was polite, but refused to take their bags to Herbert's room.

"One dead rabbit, ten years ago," Herbert explained, "and she hasn't set a foot in there since."

Bubba climbed up the gazebo stairs with Crawford attached to his back. An attempt at tackling had turned into a piggy-back ride. They were both sweating, grass-stained, and ridiculously happy. "Come on, Dan," Bubba said, "let's see if you still have any of those high school quarterback skills."

Dan looked over at Herbert, still deep in his book. Well, no reason for Dan to be bored. 

"How about you, Little Doc? We can have a little two-person team scrimmage."

Herbert's grip on the book tightened. "I'm _reading_."

"It's okay," Crawford said, readjusting his grip on Bubba's shoulders. "Maybe Andrew will play."

Herbert finally put the book down, snapping it hard with some force. "No one told me he was coming."

"Who's Andrew?" Asked Dan.

"Oh, yeah! And he's bringing a new girlfriend. Surprised they're not here yet. When did he call from the airport?" Crawford asked Jeanine who had just come up the steps herself, carrying a plate of gourmet deviled eggs.

"An hour ago. It takes about that long from O'Hare, and traffic may not be the best."

"Who's Andrew?" Dan asked again.

"Our cousin," Jeanine answered. "Andrew Paris, archaeologist."

Now Dan remembered a brief mention of the name at Christmas. 

"I've been lured here under false pretenses," Herbert complained. "I didn't know _more_ of this family was going to be inflicted on us."

Jeanine's expression hardened. Her fingers curled, manicured nails digging into her palms. The last time the five of them had been together, it had ended unpleasantly between Herbert and Jeanine. Despite there being no bloodshed that time, it was the worst fight between them Dan had ever seen. And although Jeanine had suggested she would be inviting them both over at some point this summer; Dan was still surprised when the invitation came. He wondered if perhaps she had caught wind of Herbert's successful psych evaluation and took it as a sign of positive development in her brother.

As surprised as Dan was by the invitation, he was even more surprised by Herbert's acceptance of it. "Since we're not getting anything else out of her, we might as well get some free food."

The atmosphere between them was decidedly cool. The unspoken policy was as much limited communication as possible. Jeanine was happy to see Dan, as always. In her heeled sandals, she didn't have to lean too far up to kiss him on the cheek when she had greeted him. "I'm happy to see you well. Both of you," She had said, sparing a glance for Herbert.

Herbert had grunted and ducked into the gazebo, sitting down and hasn't moved from that seat since. 

Crawford tapped Bubba on the shoulder. The taller man unhooked his arms from under Crawford's leg and let him slide off his back. Crawford grabbed an egg and poured himself lemonade. "I haven't seen Andrew since I left university. It'll be nice to catch-up."

"Were you close?" Dan asked. 

"We hung out a little at Miskatonic, and of course when Jeanine would have these little family things. He's out of the country a lot now. I mostly hear from him via postcards."

"He's a very earnest and sweet boy," Jeanine said. "Quite popular with the young ladies, too."

Herbert snorted. "Just another indicator that women, as a species, are idiots."

"Stop talking and read your book," Jeanine instructed.

"Gladly."

"Is that them now?" Bubba asked, squinting off into the distance.

Two figures exited the house and descended from the patio. Crawford was immediately out of his seat and ran to his relative. Jeanine grinned. She grabbed Bubba and Dan's hands, forcing them to follow. Behind him, he heard Herbert sigh heavily, and the chair scraping back.

As they drew near, Andrew was already introducing Crawford to the woman clinging to his side. She was in cut-offs so short the lining of her pockets showed past the frayed hems, a striped tube-top struggled to keep her considerable breasts concealed. But it wasn't the beautiful woman, scantily clad that caught Dan's attention. It was Andrew. 

The family resemblance was uncanny. Dan and Bubba exchanged a look before Bubba tried to confirm, "Cousin?"

Andrew nodded. "Our mothers were sisters." 

Bubba "Ah-huh"ed and shook his head. 

Bubba and Dan were introduced before Andrew introduced his lady friend to the rest of them. His arm never left its place, wrapped around her waist. And one of her hands stayed on Andrew's shoulder. She smiled, but ducked her head. "It's okay, Raquel," Andrew said to her, "don't be shy. This is my family."

She lifted her head and said, "Hello. Family." Her accent, Dan couldn't place, and the words were hesitant.

"And where did you and Raquel meet?" Jeanine asked. She quirked an eyebrow as she noticed the other woman wasn't wearing shoes.

"On one of my expeditions. She's, ah, not from around here."

"But Andrew teach me English," Raquel said. She smiled, obviously proud of her complete sentence. She turned her head and nuzzled Andrew's neck.

From Dan's side came a disgusted grunt. Herbert, taking a far more leisurely pace across the lawn finally joined the group. Andrew detached himself from Raquel's side. "Long time no see, Herbert!" He approached with arms open. Herbert took a step back, ducking behind Dan.

Andrew shrugged and gave Dan a chagrined smile. "Worth a shot."

"Bubba's teaching me football," Crawford said to Andrew, "want to help?"

"Sure!" Andrew took Raquel's hand again and pulled her along to the more open area of the lawn. "Nice meeting you, Dan!" He called back with a wave.

"You, too."

"Stop staring at him, Dan."

Dan whipped his head around to deny it. But he had been. Not only the due to the resemblance, but because Andrew’s pants were distractingly snug. It was hard to not let the eye wander down and... Dan cleared his throat. "Medical concern. That can't be good for circulation." 

"With any luck it'll lower the chances of him breeding with that thing."

Raquel watched the men playing ball with a wide-eyed wonder, giggling and clapping at the antics she clearly didn't understand. Jeanine was next to her, trying to strike-up a conversation. Dan wasn't sure how far she'd thought she'd get in her usual interrogation of romantic partners of her relatives with Raquel's limited language skills. He turned his attention to Andrew again who was showing Crawford how to spread his fingers over the football's laces for a proper throw. 

"Okay, seriously. He's _just_ a cousin?"

"Yes. Why is that so hard for you and that policeman to grasp?"

"Because! Look at him!" Dan extended his arm out to the person in question.

Herbert frowned. "What exactly am I supposed to be seeing?"

"He looks _exactly_ like you and Crawford!"

Herbert did look over at his family again, his frown deepened. "No he doesn't."

"Seriously, Herbert? You didn't know about Crawford for years, are you sure there couldn't have been secretly triplets?"

"Don't be stupid."

"It's not unheard of for a child to be given to family member to raise as their own."

"If that was true, once Jeanine admitted to knowing about my twin, she would have loved to dig the knife deeper and reveal the awful 'truth' about Andrew. Secondly, he's younger than me and Crawford. Not by much, but I actually have a vague memory of being dragged over to my aunt and uncle's to see the new baby."

"You're sure?"

"If you don't believe me, I'm sure my sister has all sorts of records for proof."

"No, no, I believe you, but you have to admit it's weird. The three of you... All ending up at Miskatonic, all looking so alike... Maybe we shouldn't be ruling out cloning experiments."

Herbert scoffed and headed back to the comfort of the gazebo. Dan decided to leave Herbert to his book and joined the others in the football game. They stopped once the steaks were ready. Andrew and Raquel fed each other the finger foods, Raquel occasionally petting Andrew's hair. Crawford, unused to so much physical activity was slumped against Bubba's side, eyes half-closed. Herbert, despite free food being his reason for being there, didn't take a plate of his own and stole chips off Dan's while remarking on what he was reading. 

Jeanine was sitting at the table, too, looking content enough to just be surrounded her family, bigger now than it had been a year ago. Still, Dan couldn't help himself feeling a little sad for her. Here were the rest of them, even her anti-social brother, all paired up. And she was on her own.

After the meal, Jeanine took Raquel and Andrew away to show Raquel more of the grounds and house. With Jeanine out of earshot, Dan tried to ask Herbert about it. 

"What concern of yours is it that Jeanine isn't coupled? It doesn't concern me."

"Yeah, but... I wonder if she's lonely, especially with the rest of us here gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes." The sun was setting, Herbert had unclipped the sunglasses. he looked up at Dan with a gaze that spoke more of exasperation. "Well, _most_ of us."

"Well, if she is lonely, it's her own fault."

"What does that mean?"

Herbert closed his book and set it aside. "I seem to recall her being engaged once."

"What!?"

"Some guy she met in college. I must have been twelve, thirteen at the time, wasn't paying too much attention."

"Well, what happened to him?"

"She broke it off."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Didn't I just say I wasn't really paying attention?"

"But hasn't there been anyone else since then?"

"My sister's sex life is the sort of topic I actively avoid. You do recall that up until last year, the most contact I've had with her were letters, none of which were hardly saturated with much personal detail. If you're so damned curious, just ask her."

"No, that'd be too awkward."

"Yes, better to try and get gossip from her brothers."

"Oh! Do you think Crawford will know more?"

"I'm sure they paint each other’s toenails and talk about boys all the time."

Dan couldn't tell if Herbert was being sarcastic at him, or about his siblings. Used to both, he shrugged it off. "I'm going to talk to Crawford."

The yard was more shadowed now. On a cool spot Bubba and Crawford were laying on a blanket, Crawford more on Bubba than the blanket. With one hand, he idly picked at the grass. They both blinked up at Dan as he approached. Dan cut right to the chase.

"Crawford, do you know of Jeanine ever dating anyone?"

Bubba burst out laughing, jostling the smaller man on top of him. "What's it to you? Throwing Little Doc over for the sister?"

"No!" He told him about the weird guilt he'd be feeling, seeing her alone. 

Bubba shook his head. "A woman like that doesn't need you meddling in her personal affairs."

"She's always meddling in mine! Besides, I wasn't asking you."

Crawford smiled at him. "You sound just like Herbert."

"Shut up, Crawford."

That just made Bubba and Crawford laugh harder. If they weren't going to be helpful, Dan decided to stalk away from them. He went straight back to the gazebo, and pulled Herbert out of his chair to reseat him on his lap. "Reading!" Herbert protested.

"You can still read. I want a cuddle."

"What for?"

"I think I hate your family right now."

"Oh, in that case." Herbert stopped his squirming and let Dan keep his arms around him and chin resting on top of Herbert's head.

It was a full house with everyone spending at least one night. They gathered in parlor after sundown. Everyone but Herbert joined in a game of Scrabble. It was slow goings, what with Andrew trying to use it as an opportunity to build Raquel's vocabulary and spelling skills.

Bubba and Crawford were the first to turn in. Bubba literally carried the sleeping Crawford to bed. "Poor guy’s tuckered out," he said fondly, then bid everyone a good night. Herbert had finished the book he brought with him and had gone to the library to look for something else. After a while, Raquel was starting to get sleepy too, and was rubbing her face on Andrew's shoulder like a cat. 

When they left, it was just Dan and Jeanine. She was rearranging the tiles on her rack, not even looking at Dan when she said, "I appreciate your concern, Daniel, but I can assure I'm perfectly happy with my relationship status."

"Ah..." Dan blushed and rubbed the back of his neck in the awkward silence that followed. He watched her start the new game with the word _caveat_. "You can't blame me for being curious. You know a lot about me, more than I may be comfortable with, but I really don't know that much about you, your past."

"You're referring to my broken engagement." Dan nodded. Jeanine sat back, tapping a finger against her lip. "Eric and I met in business school. He was the only person I had known there I felt matched me in abilities and interests. Fortunately, I discovered how big of an idiot he really was before it was too late.

"After graduation, I became successful faster than him. He turned out to be a petty, jealous man who insisted that once we were married my place would be the home, the bread-winning his responsibility. I countered that logic dictated that since I was already making more money, he ought to be the homemaker if he insisted on only one of having a career. Due to some misguided notions of masculine and feminine roles in society, he balked at the idea. I ended it."

"Wow, he was an idiot," Dan agreed. "But since then..."

Jeanine waved a hand. "Oh, a smattering of short-lived office romances here and there. Never with a superior though. Hard enough being a woman in business, don't want to add accusations of 'sleeping my way' to the top." She turned her attention back to her tiles.

"But, do you ever think about wanting a long-term relationship? Or children, since it's hardly likely now that either of your brothers will be passing on the West DNA."

Jeanine laughed. "Children? You know, I never gave the idea much thought. Maybe when I'm old and miserly I'll adopt a Dickensian orphan and name him or her my heir."

"And expose him or her to murder plots from their greedy Uncle Herbert?"

Jeanine laughed again. "See, hardly seems worth it, does it? My brothers are children enough, I think."

Dan used the V in "caveat" to spell "veal." His hand sucked, and he wasn't that good at the game to begin with. "Are you including me and Bubba in that statement?"

Jeanine flashed her perfect teeth. "Of course."

Dan nodded. "Of course."

"Dan," Herbert said from the doorway. He had two new books in his hand, his eyes flickered between Dan in his sister, probably convinced of conspiracy.

"Well, that's my cue." 

Jeanine gave Dan's hand a squeeze before he stood follow Herbert. Herbert rolled his eyes at the gesture and didn't return Jeanine's "Good night."

Dan hadn’t stay in Herbert's bedroom the last time. Hell, last time he had barely come to terms with the fact that sharing a bed with Herbert was something he wanted. There was a faded brown stain one the carpet, partially under the bed that made Dan wonder where exactly the housekeeper had found the dead rabbit ten years ago.

Herbert changed into a t-shirt and pajama bottoms, what he usually wore to bed when he premeditated sleep. Dan just stripped down to his boxers and hopped in. Herbert picked up one of the books he took from the library and sat up against the pillows. He glanced down at Dan. "What are you grinning at?"

Dan was on his side, propped up on an elbow. "Kinda weird, being in _your_ bed. The one you had when you were still a teenager. Thinking about all the action it never saw."

"It saw plenty of action."

"Science action doesn't count."

"Science action always counts." Herbert pointedly lifted his book closer to his face, obscuring it from Dan's view.

Dan sighed and settled back. He closed his eyes, letting the quiet, consistent turning of pages lull him. "Herbert, are you happy?"

"No."

Dan's eyes snapped open and he frowned. "No?"

"Of course not. I'm reading; you're talking."

Dan sat up and scooted closer to Herbert. "I'm not talking about _right now_. I mean in general. Are you happy with how your life's going?"

Herbert, giving up, tossed the book aside. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I won't be truly happy with my life until we perfect the re-animating serum."

"Okay, but taking that out of the equation..."

Herbert just stared at him. The serum, the work, was his life. It was impossible for him to even conceive of a life without the pursuit and belief of its eventual success.

"Right." Dan tried to put it another way. "But you're good, right? Things are at least going in the right direction for you?"

"There are worse existences to have. Why? Are you saying you're happy?"

"It's weird, but yeah, I think I am. It must be some kind of Stockholm Syndrome settling in."

"I've always believed happy people must be delusional as well."

"You're probably right."

"I usually am." Herbert switched the lamp off. Dan reached over to pull him closer. "Don't try anything." Herbert warned. "Not with _them_ on either side of the walls."

"Come on, they're all asleep already, and we're never exactly loud."

"It's not that. It's just knowing they're there." Herbert twitched.

Now was Dan was just thinking of the rest of them, too. "We're all mad here," Jeanine had quoted at him on the day of their first meeting. Well, at least Dan was in good company.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> I wish to express my sincerest gratitude to everyone who's been very encouraging through all this. Special thanks to [Wembley](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Wembley) and [cruelest_month](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelest_month/pseuds/cruelest_month) for pulling Beta duty. This is probably the largest undertaking I've done for fic in long time, if not ever. I never expected it to last this long and have so many parts. 
> 
> I hope this story was a satisfying end. I'm not completely ruling out that some day I may get a bunny again. But after nearly a year of semi-regular posting (at least once a month on average), I'm at a point where I have no immediate plans for writing more.


End file.
